Hi, everyone, it’s been a while since I write for this blog I been so busy with my life busy, looking for my self what I really want in this life, 2017 is like a roller coaster for me, the pressure is everywhere work,family, friends, my situation I feel like I been so hard to my self, inside me is like I want to run..
Run to my problem, run for everything who gave pressure to me, run for the responsibilities that I have, run for my insecurities.
I even don’t know how I will handle my self, I was on the point I want to end it, but only one thing keeps me going, that is my family their future, my husband that I want to see happy and inspired.
Problem is everywhere I know that there is lot’s of people full of a problem and for sure they still keep going because they need to! they want to!
Self-pity that is the only reason why I still keep going, looking for something that makes me busy, makes me inspired. But inside me, i always ask is that what you really want to do “are you happy?”
Am I? I don’t know, I want to find new job, I want to resign now but I can’t because if I will do that how can I send money to my family, who will give money to me,
Money is always the problem even I always tell my self before its just money you can earn it if you work hard, I know to my self I worked hard but it’s not enough.
When I can sleep without worry? when I can go out without thinking how much I need to spend? when can I walk without thinking too much?
I want to breathe without worrying, but how? maybe that is life and I could not accept it.
They said Life is short, yes life is short but are you satisfied?
Pretending to be happy, Pretending that everything is okay, foul your self with lies.
Insecurities, Even I said to my self, you don’t need to! you are an independent woman but am I? until when I will say to my self that you are because everything that you have now is because of your hard work is because you didn’t ask for but you get it without asking someone to help you.
Many regrets I did in my past, my action, my attitude that until now its keep on my head that I want to forget and start with the new one, I badly want to start again and forget those things leave it behind maybe there is a reason why its happening.
Now I just want to make a decision that I won’t regret.